So the past few days I have been feeling pretty off. I don’t consider myself fully in- tune with my body but recently I know I wasn’t feeling myself. I thought about it and realized my monthly cycle hadn’t come in yet.
The other day I told my husband that I am not feeling well. He said ok. The next day something in my soul kept bothering me. I let a few days go by. I knew in my heart that I am pregnant but I didn’t want to accept it. Finally yesterday I got up the courage to take a pregnancy test.
Women’s intuition is always correct. I took the test. Went out the bathroom finished straightening up. I waited for about five minutes and soon as I picked it up I seen the second line came up. At that moment I broke down in tears. Yes pregnancy should be a happy and joyful experience but I didnt see it that way. My son is 6 my daughter is 11months. I just felt I can’t have another child right now. I was done having children.
My husband heard me crying and he asked me what’s wrong. Then he asked it came up positive ? I was crying and said yes. He said it’s ok why are you crying. I wanted to yell. We both spoke about our daughter being the last child. But we plan and God laughs at our plans and shows us what He has planed. So I guess God has a plan for me to have another child. I think I stayed up set for another hour.
My husband tried to cheer me up and reminded me there are some women who can’t even have children. So reflect on that and smile that God has blessed me with that ability. He said he was going to call my mother to tell her the news. He knows her well. She always focuses on the positive. Each time I have told her I was pregnant she was so excited. So he attempted to call her but she didn’t pick up.
I went to work I tried not to focus on the pregnancy. I told my husband before I left I am not telling people about my pregnancy. Later that day at work my mom called me and I knew exactly what she was calling about. Like I stated my mother always showed her excitement for my pregnancy. She did exactly what I expected. I think all I really needed was to get her “blessing”.
She asked me how I felt. I explained to her that I don’t feel like I’m ready to have another child and my baby is only 11 month and we are pregnant again. She told me this a blessing and don’t worry about what others think. It’s only now that people have something to say when mothers have children back to back. She said before when people were married women were expected to have children. What she said screamed the truth.
I feel like I am truly accepting my pregnancy. Also like my mother and husband God will provide for children and I am going to keep that in mind. I have to remember because I tend to over worry about things. Looking forward to seeing what gender the baby. Even though I told my husband I wasn’t telling anyone about this pregnancy and I’m writing about it is the opposite of what I said. I guess I am fine with strangers knowing about it.