Finding out about my pregnancy

So the past few days I have been feeling pretty off. I don’t consider myself fully in- tune with my body but recently I know I wasn’t feeling myself. I thought about it and realized my monthly cycle hadn’t come in yet.

The other day I told my husband that I am not feeling well. He said ok. The next day something in my soul kept bothering me. I let a few days go by. I knew in my heart that I am pregnant but I didn’t want to accept it. Finally yesterday I got up the courage to take a pregnancy test.

Women’s intuition is always correct. I took the test. Went out the bathroom finished straightening up. I waited for about five minutes and soon as I picked it up I seen the second line came up. At that moment I broke down in tears. Yes pregnancy should be a happy and joyful experience but I didnt see it that way. My son is 6 my daughter is 11months. I just felt I can’t have another child right now. I was done having children.

My husband heard me crying and he asked me what’s wrong. Then he asked it came up positive ? I was crying and said yes. He said it’s ok why are you crying. I wanted to yell. We both spoke about our daughter being the last child. But we plan and God laughs at our plans and shows us what He has planed. So I guess God has a plan for me to have another child.

My husband tried to cheer me up and reminded me there are some women who can’t even have children. So reflect on that and smile that God has blessed me with that ability. He said he was going to call my mother to tell her the news. He knows her well. She always focuses on the positive. Each time I have told her I was pregnant she was so excited. So he attempted to call her but she didn’t pick up.

I went to work I tried not to focus on the pregnancy. I told my husband before I left I am not telling people about my pregnancy. Later that day at work my mom called me and I knew exactly what she was calling about. Like I stated my mother always showed her excitement for my pregnancy. She did exactly what I expected. I think all I really needed was to get her “blessing”.

She asked me how I felt. I explained to her that I don’t feel like I’m ready to have another child and my baby is only 11 month and we are pregnant again. She told me this a blessing and don’t worry about what others think. It’s only now that people have something to say when mothers have children back to back. She said before when people were married women were expected to have children. What she said screamed the truth.

I feel like I am truly accepting my pregnancy. Also like my mother and husband God will provide for children and I am going to keep that in mind. I have to remember because I tend to over worry about things. Looking forward to seeing what gender the baby. Even though I told my husband I wasn’t telling anyone about this pregnancy and I’m writing about it is the opposite of what I said. I guess I am fine with strangers knowing about it.

Just a frustration

So I am a mother of two. I have been married twice. Each child having a different father. My sons father and his family really IRKS ME !!! Granted I get annoyed slightly quickly. But I got remarried and I moved to Georgia. He WAS married and it seemed like that marriage fell apart. I actually want to ask her what happened but that’s just being nosey lol. Anyways my sons father was on child support mandate through the state of New York. So child support was coming directly out of his checks so there was no need to ask him for money. I thought the amount that he was mandated to give me was enough, even though he was even suppose to pay half of his child care but I didn’t ask for that. I just took the money and used it for childcare. We all know child care isn’t CHEAP.

So fast forward and we both move out of our home states. Mine being New York and his being New Jersey. He moved to Maryland while I moved to Savannah. He said he was still looking for a job. Right off the back I was annoyed because how do you move and you don’t have a job ? But hey everyone cant be smart to think that far ahead to make sure they have a job before they move. So all of last year he would promise ok I am going to give you something for Adam. Those were empty words. I signed Adam up for basketball. I told his father that what I would be doing. I asked would be able to give a few bucks for him to get basketball sneakers and shorts for practice. His father is very into  basketball so I thought maybe he might come up out his pocket for that. I am not sure why I even asked because it was October and he had promised to get our son sneakers for school. He asked for his shoe size. Still till this day still hasn’t gotten the child sneakers.

Finally I got fed up and I started to call the number I had for child support. I had gotten a letter in the mail saying I ad to go to New York for court. So I went up there. He knew he had to come to court as well. He didn’t show. I was livid ! I had to pay for a flight to come to New York plus I had the case dismissed due to neither one of us living in Suffolk county where the order of support started. I went to the child support office that was in my area. They said I needed to get all of this paper work from New York, which I didn’t even understand why they couldn’t do it but that’s neither here or there. All this time he had given maybe 60 each month. That was something I guess …. All this time his family knew what was going on and they gave no support. That is very frustrating. I actually feel like my son gets the short end of the stick as grand kids due to I speak my mind and I don’t try to sugar coat stuff.

I am currently still not getting anything and I am still waiting for the child support, with that being said I have a whole job. I work for retail and if you know retail its not the best. Its not the best but it pays the bills. I say its not the best due to the times and the amount of time. So since my son has a dead beat dad and his father’s family hasn’t tried to give any support yet my family has stepped up and my husbands family has helped. I have tried to look for side hustles. I recently just posted a YouTube go ahead and check that out if you want. Thanks for listening/ reading my little vent. Next post I will be sharing some of my side hustles that I have been doing to get a little extra income.


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